DEAD tired of the ridiculous damage spikes
Well, I've been having some bad gaming experiences lately. First the LoL atrocity, and now that I've died for a second time in Path of Exile's current hardcore league (Tempest) from a completely unreasonable one-shot, I'm pretty much out of a game to play.
My build (Sweep + Vigilant strike endurance charge sustainrauder) and gear in both cases were definitely stronger than I had ever been before, especially in a hardcore league (I used to avoid those because of my tendency to leave the computer to do something else and then die afk in the wilderness because I didn't actually go back to town *facepalm*).
-) First one-shot came at level 63 from a Haku boss in an area 6-7 levels below mine... I almost quit for the season right there. Sure I had no charges in my health flasks left (because annoyingly enough you can't tp in a master zone...), and got distracted by an annoying person, but the sudden damage output (like 100x of a regular monster) was bullshit, plain and simple.
-) The second and TRUE one-shot (from max health to death in one attack!) was delivered... by the VAAL OVERSOUL! I mean, what the fuck, I've never died from that idiot since I was a complete noob! The only thing that was not perfect in my state was that I only had like 3 endurance charges at the moment instead of my maximum 7 (cause it's hard to get your charges from a single enemy in my build - in 99.9% of situations I have multiple enemies to work with), but that was it! 3500+ health, total tank build, one fist smash I couldn't dodge due to no quicksilver charges (and I always run 2 with +charges), BAM DEAD. I literally couldn't believe that shit! (level 66)
-) So am I gonna do the whole thing again, spend 30-40 hours (or more!) to get to the level I had, build everything the same AGAIN (cause I stand firmly by the statent that my build was very much ready to reach endgame - in other words mapping), get all the same gear I had (hundreds of alts to get perfect flasks to AVOID this kind of shit death) AGAIN and get randomly raped by some other suddenly overpowered piece of shit enemy GGG programs in to "make the game more challenging"?
No.
First, this hack and slash shit ruins my mouse hand. I've had carpal tunnel syndrome once before, and games like this are poison for my right hand. I've never had any problems while playing LoL at all, so it's the fact you have to hold down the mouse buttons for a very long time I cast the blame on, and that's unfortunately not avoidable at all in this genre.
Second, I've been banned for virtually no legit reason twice on the forums, in a very short time. The posts that DON'T cause me to get banned are virtually always ignored by other people, so that forum always has been a very negative experience for me.
I don't even want to go into all the other crippling problems PoE has, which are never ever tackled by Grinding Gear Games or even commented on, lest I would have to write 10000 words and I have better things to do with my time than say what everybody playing Path of Exile already knows themselves. So long story short, I deleted PoE (and LoL too) today. Probably will get back into playing the game once the next expansion is released, but it's so so very likely that also will be only a temporary experience once again...
...I need a new game
EDIT: Nevermind, I'm playing this 24/7 again. ^^
EDIT 2 (2.11.2015): done playing this until some new endgame system is introduced. I will never grind a map again until there is some long-term reward for it. I'm dreaming of a stronghold/land owning system, it's an idea of mine taken from old turn-based strategy games that could perfectly be integrated in this hack and slash to broaden the spectrum of the gameplay by hundreds of per cent.
EDIT AD INFINITUM: and as of 4.2.2017, I'm still playing this shit... showcasing how miserable my existence is.
Wednesday, 29 July 2015
Friday, 24 July 2015
RIP League of Legends :-(
Or rather Rito too dumb to live
So, yesterday was the introduction of patch 5.14 of League of Legends. I have suffered through a lot of stupidities on Riot's side, the worst of which certainly were the Summoner's Rift update which ruined my game experience for MONTHS til I could adapt to it (the bugs didn't help, and even at the end, I was still missing at least 1 in 3 last hits due to how last hitting was fucked up with the new minions), forcing me to ARAM and later Dominion modes instead of normal play. Also, of course, the atrocious champion "updates" (more like CRAPdates), which caused me to never tough Veigar, Zilean and Ryze again after they were changed, out of pure principle. FUCK adding more skillshots to champs who didn't have them before!
But the 5.14 HUD update is the end of the line. I don't have words for how bad and UNNEEDED that shit is. I was invested heavily in LoL, emotionally, playing more than 3000 games, but with this change (and of course in typical Riot fashion it's FORCED on you, whether you want it or not) I can permanently quit the game relatively painlessly. I for one won't take Riot's shit anymore and refuse to adapt to an ugly, confusing as hell, UNWANTED HUD after more than 3000 games. Enough is enough. More people already seem to hate this, so there is a slight possibility of them giving you the option to revert to the standard UI - I would of course return to playing in this case - but I'm not banking on it. Since the competitive MOBAs are unplayable for me because of their developers I'm out of a multiplayer game now. Oh well...
EDIT: needles to say, I'm back at playing this. Deleted and reinstalled three times so far. Playing this modern garbage version of LoL is chasing the ghost of a memory, but somehow I can't completely separate myself from it.
EDIT 2: deleted again. sure hope it stays that way.
EDIT 3 (2.11.2015): well you know the drill. playing again... though only ARAM. season 6 doesn't seem to improve the flaws in Rift, so I don't think I will ever have motivation to play ranked.
My final stats:
Normal - 593 wins, 17863 takedowns, 117794 minions
Dominion - 609 wins, 19226 takedowns, 8688 points captured
ARAM - 604 wins, 32745 takedowns, 601 towers
so all platinum badges except for normal wins :-( and minions (well 200000 was a long time away)
So, yesterday was the introduction of patch 5.14 of League of Legends. I have suffered through a lot of stupidities on Riot's side, the worst of which certainly were the Summoner's Rift update which ruined my game experience for MONTHS til I could adapt to it (the bugs didn't help, and even at the end, I was still missing at least 1 in 3 last hits due to how last hitting was fucked up with the new minions), forcing me to ARAM and later Dominion modes instead of normal play. Also, of course, the atrocious champion "updates" (more like CRAPdates), which caused me to never tough Veigar, Zilean and Ryze again after they were changed, out of pure principle. FUCK adding more skillshots to champs who didn't have them before!
But the 5.14 HUD update is the end of the line. I don't have words for how bad and UNNEEDED that shit is. I was invested heavily in LoL, emotionally, playing more than 3000 games, but with this change (and of course in typical Riot fashion it's FORCED on you, whether you want it or not) I can permanently quit the game relatively painlessly. I for one won't take Riot's shit anymore and refuse to adapt to an ugly, confusing as hell, UNWANTED HUD after more than 3000 games. Enough is enough. More people already seem to hate this, so there is a slight possibility of them giving you the option to revert to the standard UI - I would of course return to playing in this case - but I'm not banking on it. Since the competitive MOBAs are unplayable for me because of their developers I'm out of a multiplayer game now. Oh well...
EDIT: needles to say, I'm back at playing this. Deleted and reinstalled three times so far. Playing this modern garbage version of LoL is chasing the ghost of a memory, but somehow I can't completely separate myself from it.
EDIT 2: deleted again. sure hope it stays that way.
EDIT 3 (2.11.2015): well you know the drill. playing again... though only ARAM. season 6 doesn't seem to improve the flaws in Rift, so I don't think I will ever have motivation to play ranked.
My final stats:
Normal - 593 wins, 17863 takedowns, 117794 minions
Dominion - 609 wins, 19226 takedowns, 8688 points captured
ARAM - 604 wins, 32745 takedowns, 601 towers
so all platinum badges except for normal wins :-( and minions (well 200000 was a long time away)
Monday, 20 July 2015
Youtubers I love #2 - Finngamer
Finngamer (2009-)
Finngamer is a Finn (well duh) called Janne, who collects video games and consoles, focussing especially on the Nintendo 64 and limited/collector's editions. What seperates him from most video game collectors and reviewers is his calm, mellow, in other words typical Finnish attitude and expression. He also very readily answers to comments, which many bigger collectors on Youtube don't bother to do. For people interested in seeing a vast and constantly increasing collection of both retro and modern games and consoles, there's no better European channel to check out!
https://www.youtube.com/user/finngamer
Finngamer is a Finn (well duh) called Janne, who collects video games and consoles, focussing especially on the Nintendo 64 and limited/collector's editions. What seperates him from most video game collectors and reviewers is his calm, mellow, in other words typical Finnish attitude and expression. He also very readily answers to comments, which many bigger collectors on Youtube don't bother to do. For people interested in seeing a vast and constantly increasing collection of both retro and modern games and consoles, there's no better European channel to check out!
https://www.youtube.com/user/finngamer
Saturday, 18 July 2015
Interactive Fiction review #4 - The Thirty-Nine Steps
The Thirty-Nine Steps by Jack Lockerby (1995)
Nintendo Hard Spectrum game
The Thirty-Nine Steps by Jack Lockerby is a mystery/detective-like game based on the same-titled book by John Buchan. I'm not familiar with the source material, but games based on works of literature, movies, etc. are generally something I would like to see a lot more often.
This is a ZX Spectrum game, which will likely limit your save options to only one save state (ramsave), unless you're an expert with the system, I guess. The slowness of the parser is a huge problem, more often than not letters are swallowed because the software cannot keep up with an average typing speed. After doing some research I assume this to be a problem of the hardware itself.
The Thirty-Nine Steps has some interesting features. The room description is displayed in a separated partition on top of the screen and updated in real time. Likewise, the passage of time moves the game time forward. Time window puzzles combined with the abovementioned typing speed limitation lead to frenzied backspace manias.
The Thirty-Nine Steps is an extremely hard game. There is little time for exploration (literally), objects are barely manipulable and usually hidden (sometimes even in plain sight). The inventory management is sluggish and confusing, the size of items seems to matter when putting them in a container, but illogical situations still arise (e.g. placing a table in your coat pocket). Puzzles pretty much require you to know exactly what the author intended you to do. Even when you have stumbled on the solution to a problem, you will be forced to start this game again and again to optimize your path - wasting time will make you miss the time windows and leave you in limbo. In one situation you are required to carry no items in your inventory (except if they are in your container) - you better anticipated this and dropped all items you deemed unnecessary for your progress ON THE DAY BEFORE!
I managed to complete a fifth of the game, based on the score, but got stuck in an illogical situation where a cab driver rats you out to the police even though you have never met him before (or committed a crime, for that matter).
This game is not necessarily bad, but its crazy difficulty ensures that you will not get far without a walkthrough (to my knowledge, none exists) if you're not a text adventure god with a lot of time on your hands.
No rating
Nintendo Hard Spectrum game
The Thirty-Nine Steps by Jack Lockerby is a mystery/detective-like game based on the same-titled book by John Buchan. I'm not familiar with the source material, but games based on works of literature, movies, etc. are generally something I would like to see a lot more often.
This is a ZX Spectrum game, which will likely limit your save options to only one save state (ramsave), unless you're an expert with the system, I guess. The slowness of the parser is a huge problem, more often than not letters are swallowed because the software cannot keep up with an average typing speed. After doing some research I assume this to be a problem of the hardware itself.
The Thirty-Nine Steps has some interesting features. The room description is displayed in a separated partition on top of the screen and updated in real time. Likewise, the passage of time moves the game time forward. Time window puzzles combined with the abovementioned typing speed limitation lead to frenzied backspace manias.
The Thirty-Nine Steps is an extremely hard game. There is little time for exploration (literally), objects are barely manipulable and usually hidden (sometimes even in plain sight). The inventory management is sluggish and confusing, the size of items seems to matter when putting them in a container, but illogical situations still arise (e.g. placing a table in your coat pocket). Puzzles pretty much require you to know exactly what the author intended you to do. Even when you have stumbled on the solution to a problem, you will be forced to start this game again and again to optimize your path - wasting time will make you miss the time windows and leave you in limbo. In one situation you are required to carry no items in your inventory (except if they are in your container) - you better anticipated this and dropped all items you deemed unnecessary for your progress ON THE DAY BEFORE!
I managed to complete a fifth of the game, based on the score, but got stuck in an illogical situation where a cab driver rats you out to the police even though you have never met him before (or committed a crime, for that matter).
This game is not necessarily bad, but its crazy difficulty ensures that you will not get far without a walkthrough (to my knowledge, none exists) if you're not a text adventure god with a lot of time on your hands.
No rating
Monday, 13 July 2015
Interactive Fiction review #3 - Annoyed Undead
Annoyed Undead by Roger Ostrander (1999)
Better than Twilight, but still...
Annoyed Undead is a nondescript and very short game in which you guide a vampire's escape from hostile territory.
This game deliberately avoids the inventory mechanic (even providing a reasonable justification for doing so), and unsurprisingly the few puzzles are thus easily solved. There are a few minor typos here and there. Even for a speed-IF title (or at least its equivalent) there's not much to look at or do in this game.
Unfortunately this game is far too bland and short to give it anything more than a
2/10
Better than Twilight, but still...
Annoyed Undead is a nondescript and very short game in which you guide a vampire's escape from hostile territory.
This game deliberately avoids the inventory mechanic (even providing a reasonable justification for doing so), and unsurprisingly the few puzzles are thus easily solved. There are a few minor typos here and there. Even for a speed-IF title (or at least its equivalent) there's not much to look at or do in this game.
Unfortunately this game is far too bland and short to give it anything more than a
2/10
Wednesday, 8 July 2015
Anime review #1 - Shingeki no Kyojin (aka "Attack on Titan") - Season 1
Shingeki no Kyojin by Hajime Isayama - Season 1 (2013)
Chain of command? More like chain of fail!
Oh shonen anime, how you fail me again and again. Ever and anon, I dive into this kind of dreck trying to find the rose growing out of the dung heap. AoT is more Sakura (Haruno that is) than Saki, though...
The plot of AoT is quickly explained:
But seriously: the remainder of humanity is mysteriously walled in in an area only some hundred square kilometers big after a race of titanic and fearsome human-looking beings sprang out of nowhere and declared war on them. The human race, on the brink of extinction, has no choice but to defend their sanctuary with very limited technological means. Teen titan Eren Jaeger - the protagonist of the series - after his mother is eaten alive by the titans, joins the military to avenge his mother and become Hokage. Ahem, I mean, kill all the titans. Yeah.
The problems with AoT are the generic shonen problems one faces almost every time.
1. No internal logic
Oh boy, this is a major one. Watching this series was painful in two ways. The first is that not much in this story makes any sense. When criticizing in-universe problems, one has to be careful, since later revelations CAN explain stuff that seemed crazy or off earlier in the story. I honestly think this is not the case in this case though.
The very first episode already featured a major stinker, when the returning Survey Corps officer, completely disillusioned, exclaimed that they "had not found out a single thing about the titans". This is a completely absurd statement that perfectly displays the intelligence the author put into this story.
The military in general pissed me off with their incompetence and lack of understanding of basic psychology. Very early in the story we see the basic training of Eren and his pokepals. Recruits are humiliated, threatened, given only low quality food etc. After going through all this painful stuff (and I mean painful for the viewer!) the titans arrive and what happens? The troop morale is at rock bottom. Well NO SHIT! The distinction between fanatical elites (think Waffen-SS) and regulars cowering in fear is made quite clear right from the start of the battles. But, fighting the titans - while of course elites make most of the actual kills - is a war of attrition for humankind. Maybe, just maybe, if you didn't treat your soldiers like worthless shit, they wouldn't run at the first sign of danger... but, then again, who am I to argue with geinuses (sic) like Levi who are so unreachable in their cognition of battle situations they don't reveal their intentions or even GIVE ORDERS TO THEIR TROOPS. Which in turn makes their subordinates question their decisions (and sanity) AT EVERY STEP. Not to forget at one point a recruit actually thought loudly about killing his superior and this very thing even occurring frequently! Seriously, I wanted humanity to be wiped out for mercy's sake while watching this shit, because it has grown retarded beyond even the reality of the 21th century.
To add to the absolutely negative depiction of the human race in AoT, corruption is on an all time high. Two out of three military branches are absolutely useless, peasants are so suppressed they don't even feature much in the storyline (which is a missed opportunity). To top it off, there's supposed to be a king in the centre of the circle (serving him is a "special honour" of course), which we NEVER SEE. Shouldn't he be at the centre of command too? Why is the survey corps (with our Mary Sue main characters riding right next to the commanding officers even though they are lowly recruits) never informed of the kings new world orders. So, maybe the king is, like, a kid, or a retard only put in office by this advisers who rule in his stead. But shouldn't there be at least a minister of war supervising the three branches, making sure the garrison stays in fighting condition, even after a hundred years of peace?!
Alas - like I said - maybe our hack, ahem, I mean hero, Hajime Isayama, planned all of this all along, and at the end of the story things will magically wrap itself up. So it's time now to face the REAL problems of Attack on Titan.
2. The focus & 3. The characters
The focus of this story is on Eren and the rest of the scoobies from his recruit class. Their organigram structure is just like the one in Naruto, only that in this one the Sakura is actually useful and Sasuke is a nerd instead of an emo.
Eren wishes to kill all the titans. That's all he cares and does. Plus he is, like all the elite characters in this story, a complete sucker for authority. Even when facing the man who beat him up savagely in front of a show trial he is made humble and never does even a single word of protest or revolt cross his lips. When Eren died, I thought that maybe THEN the story would take a turn and become more interesting, but no - he just comes back and acts like nothing had happened, only he's a titan now too. Eren is just the archetype of the featureless, overpowered, bland AS FUCK shonen protagonist.
His foster sister, Mikas-. Oh, no, let's call her Mishima Reika instead, cause that is who she reminded me of every time she was on the screen.
Mishima rivals her brother (and later love interest, I bet) in blandness, only that instead of always being angry she is emotionless to the point of being a fucking robot (and not in the GOOD way). Her shonen goal(tm) is to protect Eren forever. No real reason is given for this (he saved her when her family was murdered, but this still doesn't explain the creepy obsession); it is actually baffling how the author managed to have Mishima and Eren not having a single line of dialogue together that didn't involve the current situation of fighting the titans or him yelling about exterminating the aforementioned! Oh, and she's apparently a super soldier, despite growing up doing nothing but adoring her housewife foster mother and wearing a skirt. That is NOT the story heroes are born of.
Armin is a loser/nerd childhood friend of the abovementioned who tags along, and that's basically all he ever is. Nothing to be said here.
The rest of the Wall Rose 11 are even blander than a typical Naruto minor character. One girl defied the drill sergeant by eating a potato (and getting punished for it, instead of being commended for spirit and fearlessness).
One background pony once argued with Eren and found Mishima's oriental hair pretty, hm... that's pretty much all I remember about those. Never mind names or faces, I couldn't be bothered to memorize those to save my life!
The rest of regulars is composed of the Survey Corps officers, who are supposed to be unprecedented geniuses (based on the event in episode 1 that pretty much proves the Survey Corps is completely useless at that point), but actually come across as colossal (PUN) assholes, the main one of which of course is Levi, who reminded me a lot of L of Death Note fame. Or maybe the insane science officer who is a regular Mengele when dealing with titans or any human who can transform.
To sum up, the characters are blander than a white crayon drawing of Bella Swan, and this fact is reinforced and made worse by the focus of the story, which is entirely on fighting the titans.
The titans attack (why isn't the western name of this show "Attack OF the Titans" instead of the nonsensical "Attack ON Titan"...?) - people die, titans are slain, humans retreat. Titans attack, people die, titans are slain, humans retreat. etc etc. That is all you ever see in this show. This is literally the most single-minded anime there could ever be. There is no second layer like e.g. advisors of the king arguing, or the depiction of the life of the commoners, the aftermath of a titan battle on noncombatants, anything. I believe that actually a great point of attraction lies herein for people who actually like this show, getting sucked in in a straightforward war with clearly distinguished sides. Of course, anybody who has the capacity to dissect shonen cliches and structures will rather reject something so pitifully simple in concept and execution. Oh I forgot, one time the humans advance, get killed, some titans get killed too, humans retreat... oh fuck it.
4. The tone
All that is left to talk about is the tone. The tone of Atrocity on Turnips is heavily militaristic and authority-heavy. Common people seem to have very limited freedom and basically quite shitty lives. A lot get just sent to their deaths after the outer wall falls. Soldiers' lives are equally cut (PUN) short mainly by the abovementioned questionable leadership methods and the idiotic sole battle tactic of engaging colossal creatures well versed in grappling and swallowing whole in MELEE (and airborne!) combat. Of course, we all know that the fact humanity couldn't just invent a sniper gun to pierce the titan's necks is because the 3D animation of soldiers jumping and swinging around like Spiderman after one or two glasses of whiskey too many looks FLASHY. To cut a long story short, the incompetence of the entire leadership (both political and military) is never questioned, and that makes this story look quite pro-fascist. The ugly, brute, retard-like titans of course only add to that observation.
"If only all slackers and cowards would subjugate to authority, we could wipe these foreign creatures who are not like us out, cause we're all in this together!"
In the end, there is a slight plot twist, namely that the titans have had supporters among humankind all along! (I can see why... but I doubt much changing the tone of the story will come from that.) One girl, who was apparently a recruit along with Eren et alii, is a human/titan hybrid as well and gets captured via the execution of an idiotically convoluted plot, but turns into a stasis form and therefore eludes questioning and dissection. So if this story does one thing right (and that is basically the truth, it does only exactly ONE thing right!), it keeps you wondering what will happen next. As much as I was cursing at the screen (mentally, at least) while watching the supposed elite of mankind being mistreated by their idiotic commanding officers and for Mishima to finally SAY something to Eren that you would to somebody you have spent almost your whole fucking life with together as siblings, I am still looking forward to the next season (or might read the manga so I don't have to wait for that).
5. Predictions for S2
-) somebody will be tortured for being believed to be in league with the titans or a titan himself
-) Armin makes an unsuccessful move on Mishima and gets REKT
-) Mishima doesn't say anything casual to Eren in the entire season AGAIN
-) the king or other top brass is revealed to have created the entire titan threat as a distraction and threat so the leading class isn't overthrown by a huge revolution (this might happen in a later season, though, if applicable)
-) season 2 will piss me off
6. Conclusion
All in all, the Hitlerjugend would gladly have watched this in their weekly education class. So, if you can ignore the faults of the plot, the tediousness of character design and the glaring political undertones, you might as well be blown away by this show! I for one hope you CAN'T do that...
Chain of command? More like chain of fail!
Oh shonen anime, how you fail me again and again. Ever and anon, I dive into this kind of dreck trying to find the rose growing out of the dung heap. AoT is more Sakura (Haruno that is) than Saki, though...
The plot of AoT is quickly explained:
 |
| Don't worry, kids. It's ALMOST that simple. |
But seriously: the remainder of humanity is mysteriously walled in in an area only some hundred square kilometers big after a race of titanic and fearsome human-looking beings sprang out of nowhere and declared war on them. The human race, on the brink of extinction, has no choice but to defend their sanctuary with very limited technological means. Teen titan Eren Jaeger - the protagonist of the series - after his mother is eaten alive by the titans, joins the military to avenge his mother and become Hokage. Ahem, I mean, kill all the titans. Yeah.
The problems with AoT are the generic shonen problems one faces almost every time.
1. No internal logic
Oh boy, this is a major one. Watching this series was painful in two ways. The first is that not much in this story makes any sense. When criticizing in-universe problems, one has to be careful, since later revelations CAN explain stuff that seemed crazy or off earlier in the story. I honestly think this is not the case in this case though.
The very first episode already featured a major stinker, when the returning Survey Corps officer, completely disillusioned, exclaimed that they "had not found out a single thing about the titans". This is a completely absurd statement that perfectly displays the intelligence the author put into this story.
The military in general pissed me off with their incompetence and lack of understanding of basic psychology. Very early in the story we see the basic training of Eren and his pokepals. Recruits are humiliated, threatened, given only low quality food etc. After going through all this painful stuff (and I mean painful for the viewer!) the titans arrive and what happens? The troop morale is at rock bottom. Well NO SHIT! The distinction between fanatical elites (think Waffen-SS) and regulars cowering in fear is made quite clear right from the start of the battles. But, fighting the titans - while of course elites make most of the actual kills - is a war of attrition for humankind. Maybe, just maybe, if you didn't treat your soldiers like worthless shit, they wouldn't run at the first sign of danger... but, then again, who am I to argue with geinuses (sic) like Levi who are so unreachable in their cognition of battle situations they don't reveal their intentions or even GIVE ORDERS TO THEIR TROOPS. Which in turn makes their subordinates question their decisions (and sanity) AT EVERY STEP. Not to forget at one point a recruit actually thought loudly about killing his superior and this very thing even occurring frequently! Seriously, I wanted humanity to be wiped out for mercy's sake while watching this shit, because it has grown retarded beyond even the reality of the 21th century.
To add to the absolutely negative depiction of the human race in AoT, corruption is on an all time high. Two out of three military branches are absolutely useless, peasants are so suppressed they don't even feature much in the storyline (which is a missed opportunity). To top it off, there's supposed to be a king in the centre of the circle (serving him is a "special honour" of course), which we NEVER SEE. Shouldn't he be at the centre of command too? Why is the survey corps (with our Mary Sue main characters riding right next to the commanding officers even though they are lowly recruits) never informed of the kings new world orders. So, maybe the king is, like, a kid, or a retard only put in office by this advisers who rule in his stead. But shouldn't there be at least a minister of war supervising the three branches, making sure the garrison stays in fighting condition, even after a hundred years of peace?!
Alas - like I said - maybe our hack, ahem, I mean hero, Hajime Isayama, planned all of this all along, and at the end of the story things will magically wrap itself up. So it's time now to face the REAL problems of Attack on Titan.
2. The focus & 3. The characters
The focus of this story is on Eren and the rest of the scoobies from his recruit class. Their organigram structure is just like the one in Naruto, only that in this one the Sakura is actually useful and Sasuke is a nerd instead of an emo.
Eren wishes to kill all the titans. That's all he cares and does. Plus he is, like all the elite characters in this story, a complete sucker for authority. Even when facing the man who beat him up savagely in front of a show trial he is made humble and never does even a single word of protest or revolt cross his lips. When Eren died, I thought that maybe THEN the story would take a turn and become more interesting, but no - he just comes back and acts like nothing had happened, only he's a titan now too. Eren is just the archetype of the featureless, overpowered, bland AS FUCK shonen protagonist.
His foster sister, Mikas-. Oh, no, let's call her Mishima Reika instead, cause that is who she reminded me of every time she was on the screen.
 |
| Long hair, scarf around neck, dress/skirt, blank expression all the time, not conversing with the main character in a meaningful way. The picture doesn't do their similiarity justice though, sadly. At least that strand of hair in the middle matches. |
Mishima rivals her brother (and later love interest, I bet) in blandness, only that instead of always being angry she is emotionless to the point of being a fucking robot (and not in the GOOD way). Her shonen goal(tm) is to protect Eren forever. No real reason is given for this (he saved her when her family was murdered, but this still doesn't explain the creepy obsession); it is actually baffling how the author managed to have Mishima and Eren not having a single line of dialogue together that didn't involve the current situation of fighting the titans or him yelling about exterminating the aforementioned! Oh, and she's apparently a super soldier, despite growing up doing nothing but adoring her housewife foster mother and wearing a skirt. That is NOT the story heroes are born of.
Armin is a loser/nerd childhood friend of the abovementioned who tags along, and that's basically all he ever is. Nothing to be said here.
The rest of the Wall Rose 11 are even blander than a typical Naruto minor character. One girl defied the drill sergeant by eating a potato (and getting punished for it, instead of being commended for spirit and fearlessness).
 |
| I like her, because she's different. Even though I don't actually know her name. |
One background pony once argued with Eren and found Mishima's oriental hair pretty, hm... that's pretty much all I remember about those. Never mind names or faces, I couldn't be bothered to memorize those to save my life!
The rest of regulars is composed of the Survey Corps officers, who are supposed to be unprecedented geniuses (based on the event in episode 1 that pretty much proves the Survey Corps is completely useless at that point), but actually come across as colossal (PUN) assholes, the main one of which of course is Levi, who reminded me a lot of L of Death Note fame. Or maybe the insane science officer who is a regular Mengele when dealing with titans or any human who can transform.
To sum up, the characters are blander than a white crayon drawing of Bella Swan, and this fact is reinforced and made worse by the focus of the story, which is entirely on fighting the titans.
The titans attack (why isn't the western name of this show "Attack OF the Titans" instead of the nonsensical "Attack ON Titan"...?) - people die, titans are slain, humans retreat. Titans attack, people die, titans are slain, humans retreat. etc etc. That is all you ever see in this show. This is literally the most single-minded anime there could ever be. There is no second layer like e.g. advisors of the king arguing, or the depiction of the life of the commoners, the aftermath of a titan battle on noncombatants, anything. I believe that actually a great point of attraction lies herein for people who actually like this show, getting sucked in in a straightforward war with clearly distinguished sides. Of course, anybody who has the capacity to dissect shonen cliches and structures will rather reject something so pitifully simple in concept and execution. Oh I forgot, one time the humans advance, get killed, some titans get killed too, humans retreat... oh fuck it.
4. The tone
All that is left to talk about is the tone. The tone of Atrocity on Turnips is heavily militaristic and authority-heavy. Common people seem to have very limited freedom and basically quite shitty lives. A lot get just sent to their deaths after the outer wall falls. Soldiers' lives are equally cut (PUN) short mainly by the abovementioned questionable leadership methods and the idiotic sole battle tactic of engaging colossal creatures well versed in grappling and swallowing whole in MELEE (and airborne!) combat. Of course, we all know that the fact humanity couldn't just invent a sniper gun to pierce the titan's necks is because the 3D animation of soldiers jumping and swinging around like Spiderman after one or two glasses of whiskey too many looks FLASHY. To cut a long story short, the incompetence of the entire leadership (both political and military) is never questioned, and that makes this story look quite pro-fascist. The ugly, brute, retard-like titans of course only add to that observation.
"If only all slackers and cowards would subjugate to authority, we could wipe these foreign creatures who are not like us out, cause we're all in this together!"
In the end, there is a slight plot twist, namely that the titans have had supporters among humankind all along! (I can see why... but I doubt much changing the tone of the story will come from that.) One girl, who was apparently a recruit along with Eren et alii, is a human/titan hybrid as well and gets captured via the execution of an idiotically convoluted plot, but turns into a stasis form and therefore eludes questioning and dissection. So if this story does one thing right (and that is basically the truth, it does only exactly ONE thing right!), it keeps you wondering what will happen next. As much as I was cursing at the screen (mentally, at least) while watching the supposed elite of mankind being mistreated by their idiotic commanding officers and for Mishima to finally SAY something to Eren that you would to somebody you have spent almost your whole fucking life with together as siblings, I am still looking forward to the next season (or might read the manga so I don't have to wait for that).
5. Predictions for S2
-) somebody will be tortured for being believed to be in league with the titans or a titan himself
-) Armin makes an unsuccessful move on Mishima and gets REKT
-) Mishima doesn't say anything casual to Eren in the entire season AGAIN
-) the king or other top brass is revealed to have created the entire titan threat as a distraction and threat so the leading class isn't overthrown by a huge revolution (this might happen in a later season, though, if applicable)
-) season 2 will piss me off
6. Conclusion
All in all, the Hitlerjugend would gladly have watched this in their weekly education class. So, if you can ignore the faults of the plot, the tediousness of character design and the glaring political undertones, you might as well be blown away by this show! I for one hope you CAN'T do that...
Monday, 6 July 2015
Youtubers I love #1 - Chrontendo
Chrontendo (2007-)
Chrontendo is a project by the user with the name Dr. Sparkle which attempts to do a full chronological history of Famicom/NES games. Each episode covers 10 games, with the acknowledged "classic" titles getting a longer discussion. Eventually the Chron-project also branched out to the PC Engine/TurboGrafx-16 and Sega Master System consoles.
Chrontendo is one of those projects which I was immediately sold on after learning about their existence. An absolute must for anybody even remotely interested in Retrogaming to check this series out!
Youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/Chrontendo
and his blog: http://www.chrontendo.blogspot.com
Chrontendo is a project by the user with the name Dr. Sparkle which attempts to do a full chronological history of Famicom/NES games. Each episode covers 10 games, with the acknowledged "classic" titles getting a longer discussion. Eventually the Chron-project also branched out to the PC Engine/TurboGrafx-16 and Sega Master System consoles.
Chrontendo is one of those projects which I was immediately sold on after learning about their existence. An absolute must for anybody even remotely interested in Retrogaming to check this series out!
Youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/Chrontendo
and his blog: http://www.chrontendo.blogspot.com
Thursday, 2 July 2015
Interactive Fiction review #2 - ROWR!
ROWR! by Gunther Schmidl (2000)
The word "DNAnalyzer" is surprisingly hard to type
Pointless linear-pathed time travel/dinosaur-based, fourth-wall-breaking game that was written and can be played through in 5 minutes, respectively. No attempts were taken to implement anything even remotely out of the ordinary and hence there is very little to say about this dispensable story.
One particular quirk that might mildly hamper your playthrough: <spoiler> PULLING a button. <end of spoiler> Yeah, that makes sense. It´s probably stuck or something.
2/10
Note: at the current point I do not know how to implement spoiler tags. Just select the above "blank" spot with your mouse to read it.
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